Turkeys a source of menace, laughs

Published 12:32 am Sunday, February 27, 2011

“Uncle Bob: You never warned me about Attack Turkeys; you cautioned me about fire ants, beaver dams and dynamite, held my hand by phone a thousand miles away when a snake was hanging on my door, but you never once told me about Attack Turkeys,” began a letter from a younger friend, which I’m quoting here.

“Went out to the country to help Daddy clear a path along the far side of the creek at a bridge that was just a grating with six-inch planks. He had seen a wild turkey when he had reached the creek, and I was disappointed because I would have loved to have at least seen a turkey. We went across to make a trail along the creek. I worked for about an hour with the battery operated hedge trimmer, making tons of noise till the battery died, so I took the lawnmower back to the cabin to get my spare battery.

On return, about 200 yards before reaching the creek, I saw a turkey hen in the road so I slowed the mower to not frighten her. She watched me for a moment and strolled back into the forest: magic; absolutely pristine. I wished I had my camera (it was hanging in a tree on the other side of the creek).

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“I crept along on the mower hoping for another glimpse when I saw a flock of turkeys all running toward me! I quickly braked and they kept coming closer and closer. Then suddenly two huge Toms in full strut attacked the mower.

“They had wide wing spreads: I was a little nervous because they have spurs to fly up and rake their opponent, so I slowly began rolling, but they kept attacking!

“I didn’t want to hurt them but the biggest, most aggressive Tom was flying up and attacking the front of the mower, while the second Tom and a Jake were coming at me in the seat!

“I happened to have brought some bird feed, with which I tried to distract them by throwing it, but they were not interested. So I rolled a few dozen yards trying to dodge the big Tom, and fend off the other Tom and the Jake. I finally turned off the mower and that seemed to calm them for about three seconds, then they all came after ME!

“I bailed off and got the mower between me and them, but the big Tom came around one side, the other Tom around the other side, and the Jake started coming over the mower! I was laughing so hard, and finally saw the hen. She decided I was her best friend, which REEALLLLY made the Toms mad.

“I grabbed my battery and started running backward for the creek, fending off the Toms by shoving the bird feed can at their beaks. But that didn’t slow them. They were flying up to spur me, and the hen kept tripping me. I was scared, trying to protect my eyes, but laughing so hard that I could hardly get to the creek. They chased me across the bridge: it’s hard to balance on a six-inch board wearing muck boots, with a hen trying to get protection and two huge Toms fluffling, drumming, gobbling, and attacking.

“Finally got the camera. Daddy was hollering to me that if I was really quiet I might see some turkeys. Oh, if he had just been a bit closer and had the camera. I got the most spectacular photos, perched on the bridge at a safe distance.

“Then the hen actually walked out on the bridge with me, peering up and touching me with her beak, so I crouched down to stroke her back, which got the Toms really upset. They fluffled and drummed, even the Jake.

When I started the hedge trimmer again, those turkeys went crazy, just gobble, gobble, gobbling! I could hear the hen yelping, too. Finally I just gave up and went back to the bridge to video the action: my hen came back to her new best friend because the Toms wouldn’t venture quite onto the boards. They would strut right up to the edge and gobble. The hen pecked my camera!

“After 30 minutes I got a shot of my hand stroking the hen’s back because I knew nobody would believe it. That sent the Toms into a fury and I hauled tail across the bridge. One long, parting gobble sounded as I left the turkeys, and the most spectacular show of nature I’ve ever seen. Wish you’d been here!”

Robert Hitt Neill is an outdoors writer. He lives in Leland, Miss.