One-time uniform changes are a naked money grab

Published 11:39 am Thursday, September 15, 2011

Mark Twain said that “clothes make the man.”

But if football uniforms are the measure of the athlete wearing them, well, college football must be in a greater crisis than we could have imagined.

The corporate giants Nike and Under Armour have turned college football into a crazed palate of bizarre uniforms that sear retinas like the arc of a welder’s torch.

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Maryland’s Under Armour uniforms, which were patterned after the state’s flag, looked like several different styles collided in the sewing machines. The coat of arms of George Calvert, the first Baron Baltimore, was as much a cohesive visual statement on a football uniform as a Jackson Pollock painting. Maybe we should have some of those.

Oregon’s Nike uniforms have been a visual obscenity since Phil Knight’s design team starting tinkering with them. No color is too loud, no visual concept too disjointed to go on his alma mater’s football uniforms. But there is no doubt that the reason why Oregon went from perpetual also-ran to chic, upstart football power had to do with the notoriety of those gaudy uniforms. Bad publicity is better than no publicity.

Georgia and Boise State switched to the one-time uniforms. Boise State’s all-white uniforms weren’t too bad, but Georgia’s all-red uniforms with the helmet stripe extending down to the facemask looked like an Arena League team’s. New Orleans Voodoo, anyone?

Not all of the one-time Nike uniforms look like they were designed by hippies on a bad LSD trip. LSU’s new Pro Combat uniforms, which the Tigers will wear on Oct. 22 against Auburn, are tastefully rendered with white helmets and purple-trimmed jerseys. Navy’s uniforms have a nice anchor logo on a white helmet, which matches up nicely with the all-navy blue jersey and pants. Alabama’s from 2010 were just a tweak from the Crimson Tide’s normal garb, which hasn’t changed much since before Paul “Bear” Bryant arrived on the scene.

At least Ole Miss and Mississippi State have been resistant to this pull. The Rebels, with a few minor tweaks, have been wearing the same since 1995, while the Bulldogs have made some gratifying changes, like the maroon helmets, with the new adidas uniforms unveiled in 2009.

Southern Miss has been bizarre, almost Oregon-like, with one of their uniform choices. The all-yellow (the Golden Eagles call it gold) uniforms make the team look like a flying banana squadron and look even worse on high-definition TV. The new numbers on one side/team logo on the other side helmet stickers that debuted against Louisiana Tech look cartoonish.

In the end, it’s all about dollars. It’s about getting Maryland and whatever other team decides to desecrate their colors in the pursuit of the almighty dollar by more exposure among the 17- and 18-year-old recruits trying to pick a college destination. It’s about making a lot of money from fans by these apparel companies desperate to sport their team’s new duds.

But, hey, they’re still amateurs if you ask the NCAA. They’re still student-athletes, going pro in something other in sports.

At least that’s what the NCAA commercials tell us.

Steve Wilson is sports editor of The Vicksburg Post. You can follow him on Twitter at vpsportseditor. He can be reached at 601-636-4545, ext. 142 or at swilson@vicksburgpost.com.