The 2016 Summer Olympics are in the books. The Rio Games, outside of a few robberies and one big not-really robbery, weren’t nearly the horror show many predicted. The doom and gloom scenarios presented the last couple of weeks, however, did remind me of one of my favorite sports stories — the saga of the 1904 Summer Olympics in St. Louis.

It’s hard to do this justice, so what follows is the short version. For the full story, go to smithsonianmag.com/history/the-1904-olympic-marathon-may-have-been-the-strangest-ever-14910747/?no-ist.

The 1904 Olympics were the first on American soil. Because of international tensions and travel difficulties of the day, few international athletes competed. The U.S. won 238 medals in those games, which is still a record. Three of those came in the tug of war.

Three more came in water polo, which was less than the number of dead players. The venue was a lake, and cattle from a nearby farm wandered in during games. Four players contracted typhus and later died. Many became ill.

The highlight, though, was the insanity of the marathon.

The course covered steep hills and dusty roads. There were only two water stops — an intentional move designed to test the effects of dehydration.

One runner choked on so much dust he ripped his stomach lining and nearly died from internal bleeding. Another was chased for a mile by stray dogs. Yet another stopped to eat some apples that turned out to be rotten, so he took a mid-race nap while suffering from stomach cramps.

One of the leaders, Fred Lorz, hitched a ride in a car for the last two-thirds of the race. He was almost declared the winner until a spectator pointed out his deceit and Lorz played it off as a prank.

Lorz went on to win the Boston Marathon the following year.

The eventual winner, an American named Thomas Hicks, spent half the race chugging egg whites, brandy and strychnine — a potent poison that was used as a stimulant in those days — to overcome cramping. He staggered into the stadium, hallucinating and dehydrated, and took the gold.

So, when it comes to Olympic dysfunction, remember that as in so many other events America will always take the gold medal.

•

Ernest Bowker is a sports writer for The Vicksburg Post. He can be reached at ernest.bowker@vicksburgpost.com