I have held the hand of a dying patient many times.

I have comforted and been there for their families. I watched my daddy take his last breath but at 27, I never thought I would have to battle cancer.

Two biopsies later, my life totally turned upside down. I will never forget the look on my doctor’s face when he walked in. He said, “You have Hodgkin’s lymphoma and I’m guessing it’s stage 2. If you have to have cancer, yours is the one to have. The cure rate is over 85 percent.”

What?

It felt like the world just stood still. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like someone had just kicked me in the chest.

I sat there with my mom and sister-in-law and my sister-in-law hugged me while I cried. I think it’s all they could do to hold back their tears.

My first thought was what was my child going to do without a mom! It hadn’t been but a year and a half since we lost my daddy to lung cancer. Now me? How much more could our family take?

My daddy was diagnosed, then my uncle, and now me. How did we go from what I thought was strep and an upper respiratory infection to cancer?

We left the doctors and met my oldest brother to eat. He has always been my protector and I feel safe with him. We sat down and all I could do was cry!

My fiancé was at work and I had to call and tell him. My heart broke. We had just gotten engaged and were planning our wedding in March. He didn’t know what to say or how to react.

Then, I had to figure out how to tell my 5-year-old. I found out three days before her sixth birthday. I picked her up from school and when we got to the car I said, “Anzley mommy has cancer.”

My daughter looked at me mortified. She started to cry and asked if I was going to die like Papaw Lott. I had to promise her I was going to be OK. Secretly, I had no idea if I was going to be OK or not.

As a nurse, I know just enough to scare me. There’s a million things that ran through my head. What if I don’t respond to chemo? What if I have a reaction? And so on. I ended up telling her I was going to be OK but if I ever ended up not being OK, we would talk about it. She seemed fine with that.

My doctor set me up with a surgeon to get my chem port placed. Then, it came time to decide on an oncologist. I did some research and asked around and found the perfect one for me.

The first appointment was scary. I was the youngest in the waiting room by far. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I guess they were trying to figure out which one of us is the patient. They called my name and I took a deep breath and walked back with the nurse followed by my mom and my fiancé. We sat in the room anxiously waiting to meet with my oncologist. She walked in and introduced herself. She was so positive and very straightforward.

She explained that I would need three cycles of ABVD. Each cycle consisted of 30 days with two rounds. Chemo rounds were on day one and day 15 of each cycle. I would need a total of six rounds. She said, “I’m not going to lie: chemo sucks and it’s going to be hard. You will lose your hair and maybe your eye brows and lashes.”

She recommended getting a wig and recommended a place in Jackson called Kirklands. She said white women have the most trouble with chemo side effects.

That day she admitted me to St. Dominic’s. I was going to start chemo the next day. I was so scared. She also wanted a bone marrow biopsy. She gave me the paperwork and out the clinic I went.

That afternoon the nurse attempted to access my chem port for the first time. It had just been put in so I was swollen and they couldn’t access it. I ended up with an IV and had to have a port study done the following morning before the bone marrow biopsy and before my first chemo.

They got my port accessed and did the biopsy. I started chemo that afternoon.

It took 4.5 hours. It wasn’t that bad. They had to do test doses of each chemo med before giving me the full dose to make sure I didn’t have an allergic reaction.

The metal taste I got from chemo made me nauseous and I got a bad headache. My chemo nurse stayed with me the whole time and talked to me about all the side effects that could possibly happen and what to do.

I was lucky enough to also know the breast cancer navigator for the hospital who was very resourceful and informed me about all the ins and outs of chemo. I was really lucky to have her.

I got discharged after chemo was done. I was so drained and just felt horrible. I had no appetite because everything tasted horrible. I was so nauseous and puked a lot. My daughter would get so upset when I would get sick. It freaked her out. She could tell when I wasn’t feeling good. She would ask for cuddles and say “Good Mommy Bad Cancer.”

I don’t know how many times in the course of my chemo she would say. “Mommy, I wish you didn’t have cancer.”

My dip days happened seven to 10 days after I had a chemo round. My whole body would hurt. It was like the way you feel when you have a high fever with the flu without actually having the flu. It was a bone wrenching pain. I felt like my spine was being twisted in two.

Then after a few days I would perk up and feel better just in time for the next chemo round. It stayed like that for the rest of my rounds. After that first round I went to Kirkland to get me some “fake hair.”

I met Mrs. Lisa, who was absolutely amazing. She matched me to hair that looked just like mine. And I ordered it. I was really nervous about it. A few days later it came in and I went to get it. Lisa showed me how to put it on and what to do to take care of it. I tried it on and when I looked in the mirror I almost started to cry. It looked just like my real hair.

After the second round of chemo my hair started coming out. It would come out in huge clumps when I would take a shower. I am not a girly girl by any means so I didn’t think my lack of hair would really bother me but it ended up being a bigger hurdle that I ever imagined.

My daughter lightened the mood about my fake hair. She loved to run around the house with my wig on. She was so funny. She said I finally have your color hair mommy!

We finally had a pattern established and we knew how I would feel on what days. If I stayed ahead of the side effects the rounds went easier. I was lucky that my nurse practitioner here in town helped manage my side effects. Phenergan shots became my best friend. Thank goodness I know a lot of nurses and that my sister-in-law is one! She made several house calls!

I didn’t really talk about my cancer to many people. I didn’t know who would react what way. I had to be sort of guarded. I had my strong friend that I could be honest around but then my friends that would freak out and cry if I cried or if I talked about how I truly felt at times.

My fiancé and I didn’t even talk about it much. After chemo, it would be a few days before we really talked. If I were cuddled up in the recliner not feeling good, he would just ask if I needed anything. I was pretty grumpy at times so not talking worked well for us.

We survived because during each round we would have that one or two days before the next round where things would seem normal again. I would be back to my spunky self. We looked forward to those days.

The cycles continued. It was weird. After the initial first chemo I got to do the rest of my rounds at the infusion center at my oncologist’s office. Everyone would stare at us, I guess wondering which one had cancer but once I got called back and got hooked up, they figured it out.

The older ladies would stop by me and speak and offer to feed me. They would say, “You’re too young for this.” I would just smile but I was thinking cancer doesn’t discriminate.

After I completed six rounds, it was time for a pet scan. It showed that the chemo was working but I still had cancer. I was heartbroken. I thought this cancer nightmare was going to be over.

My oncologist said we would treat it until it’s gone, plus two more. So there it went: more chemo. I got two more rounds followed by another pet scan.
This time, the pet scan was all clear! Yay! That meant only two more rounds of chemo. I did my last two rounds.

But is there life after cancer? Yes! I see the world on a whole different level. Someone asked me what was the hardest part about my experience. I would have to say it was feeling like me being a mom was threatened. I was really scared for my daughter and I just wanted her to be OK. We ended up having to send her to a counselor for a bit because she was crying a lot and totally freaked that I was going to die. She would have nightmares about me dying.

There was one day my mom showed up to pick her up from school because I wasn’t feeling good. Anzley was convinced that I had died and that her MeMe was lying to her.

She had several appointments with her counselor. They did a lot of drawing it out sessions. One that really got to me was when Anzley brought home a picture of me in a coffin with dirt and grass over it. She was standing there bringing me flowers. It was really hard to keep a straight face through that one.

If I had to describe my cancer experience in one word I would have to say the experience was humbling. I think it was God’s way of telling me to slow down and stop and smell the roses. I definitely think I’m a better person, mom and nurse because of this experience. I am very thankful to all my friends and family for all their support! I’m especially thankful to Dr. Pierce III and his staff, Kay McDaniel and her nurse, Dr. Bill Johnston and his nurses, Becky Tustain NP, and Dr. Nicole Cleveland and her staff for going above and beyond the call of duty to help me and my family. I truly cannot thank y’all enough for being there!

I am currently back at work full time, working out and running again, and under radiation treatment.

Life is good!

-Amy Lott