Do not let the past control you
Published 11:05 pm Friday, December 9, 2016
Sometimes when you think old wounds are healed, something happens and the scab gets ripped right off.
The bleeding may not be as severe as when you were initially hurt, but invariably the sore still stings.
If you are like me, you have probably tried all kinds of bandages to help.
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You know the ones like crying, screaming and blaming others.
This week one of my scabs was scratched off and I wanted to yell and holler and throw my hands up in disgust.
The fury of the past was rekindled and my anger returned with a vengeance.
I thought I had made headway with this atrocity that I have often times likened to murder, but obviously not.
So in an attempt to stop the pain, I pulled out one of my old standby dressings — self-pity.
Poor little Terri, life has not been fair, and why does she have to keep enduring this pain?
I lay with this feeling of defeatism for a while only for anger to rear its ugly head the next morning.
Anger and me go back a long way and have certainly become close friends since my original injury.
Unfortunately, there have been times I have nursed it along and in some instances worn it like a badge.
But this week, I decided I am truly ready to let this scab heal.
So why now, after all these years, am I ready to let go of the past?
Perhaps it’s because of the Christmas season or maybe the fact I have had my nose buried in a book by Dwight Carlson M.D. entitled “Overcoming Hurts & Anger.”
Recently I was dealt another less than desirable encounter and was appalled at the way it cut to my core.
Someone very close to me saw my pain and shared with me this book.
In it, Carlson speaks to the reader (me) about their own responsibility in resolving hurts and the anger that comes along with them.
Some of his words are hard to swallow. Taking ownership for something someone else has done to me is not exactly what I want to hear, but cognitively I know his words are true.
The advice of the doctor never rang more true than on Friday when I was talking with my oldest daughter about our past.
I was railing about my pain and how unfair it all was when she very gently said it had been hard for her too.
Why had I never been willing to really listen to her views about our situation? Why had it just all been about me?
Well thank goodness it is not too late to begin seeing things from another perspective.
Carlson wrote having angry or hurt feelings are not bad and we should listen to them, but we must learn to never allow them to control us.
I know there will be more times in my life that I will become hurt and anger will follow, but hopefully with this new sense of enlightenment, I will be able to handle the situation — so it does not handle me.
Terri Cowart Frazier is a staff writer for The Vicksburg Post. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.