Happy Festivus, everyone!

If you’re not familiar with Festivus, it’s an alternate December holiday created out of thin air by the 1990s sitcom “Seinfeld” and which has since earned a cult following. Two of its key features are the feats of strength — a wrestling match in which a challenger must defeat the head of household — and the airing of grievances.

Since the printed page doesn’t lend itself to a wrestling match, and because I simply cannot think of another column idea this week, I figured we’d celebrate Festivus by airing some grievances with the sports world, and the world at large.

I’ve got a lot of problems with you people …

• Dak Prescott: All my life, I’ve hated the Dallas Cowboys. I grew up in New Jersey, where people root for the Eagles or Giants and almost everyone hates the Cowboys. When they won a bunch of Super Bowls in the early 1990s, I was reminded why and never forgot it.

The last 20 years have been awesome. Seeing the Cowboys be perpetually 8-8 is even better than if they were 1-15 every year.

And then along comes Dak. Great guy, with Mississippi ties, that I can’t help but root for. The only problem is he plays for the Cowboys, the team I’ve been sworn to despise.
Thanks a lot, Dak, for making me smile and hate myself at the same time while watching you play.

• Commercials where someone gives an expensive car as a gift: “Merry Christmas, honey! Here’s your new Lexus! Oh, by the way, you have a $550 payment due on January 25.”

• Soccer: It’s not so much the sport as when it’s played. You shouldn’t have to build a bonfire in an oil drum just to survive a four-hour high school doubleheader with all of your fingers intact.

• Fantasy football: I don’t live and die with my imaginary team like I once did, but it’s still maddening. How can Drew Brees score a total of three points in two weeks and nearly drop me out of a spot? That was two weeks after Rob Gronkowski turned into Mr. Glass.

Dez Bryant is a great receiver, except the year I draft him. Just another reason to hate-root for the Cowboys.

Well, that felt good. Now go enjoy Festivus for the rest of us.

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Ernest Bowker is a sports writer for The Vicksburg Post. He can be reached at ernest.bowker@vicksburgpost.com