Dear Santa,

It’s been a long time since I sat down with pen in hand to write to you with a list of things for you to bring to my home, and as you know I was always difficult to please (remember the time I wanted the “byhicle” instead of the “fi tuck”).

I must confess, I really haven’t been a good boy, but in my business, there are some times when you just have to be on the bad side to get what you need. My wife and daughter, on the other hand, have been good and deserving of any blessings you would bestow on them.

As you know, my wife and I are getting on in years and not as spry as we used to be. Is it possible for something that would take us back a few years when our joints didn’t ache and creak when the hair was less grey and our energy levels were at a higher plateau than now. I’m not talking about too far back — maybe to our early 40s.

Also, our daughter is getting married in November. Can we have a set of winning Powerball or MegaMillions numbers? How about a small money tree? And while we’re at it, the wedding is a day ceremony on the same day as the LSU/Alabama game. Could you make that game a night game? My family is scared that if the game is held during the day, I’ll be livestreaming it during the ceremony and interrupt it by making some outburst. I’ve already been warned.

We would also like a couple of new vehicles, seeing as both of ours are approaching “classic” status and have long exceeded the 100,000-mile warranties. While Eartha Kitt and Connie Stevens both asked you in their versions of “Santa Baby” for a convertible, neither of us is big on ragtops.

I know my wife would like another small SUV, but I’m not sure of the make. Me, I’d like an SUV — a Jaguar F Pace, British racing green, sound system, Wi-Fi, a rear camera (my neck doesn’t rotate 180 degrees) and tan leather seats. How about his n’ hers Jags?

And one more thing. Once this pandemic is over and under control, a vacation somewhere we can get away and enjoy ourselves. If it’s no problem, can we make a side trip to the Normandy Coast in France? I would like to see where my father set foot on D-Day.

I would also like an end to this pandemic and for our country to return to normal and realize that it will take all of us to make our country better.

And to everyone else, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.